The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — santa

  The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 33 — The Candy Corn Conspiracy (Fall Flashback Files) Breaking from my usual Christmas coverage for a *flashback exposé.* 🍂👀 If the truth ever comes out, the chaos of candy season didn’t start in December — it started way back in October, a few weeks ago when the elves discovered *Candy Corn.* And everything went downhill from there. 🍬 The Great Divide Half the workshop said candy corn was “iconic.” The other half said it was “sugar-flavored wax.” HR had to separate teams...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 32 — Santa’s PR Crisis Santa’s trending again… and not for good reasons. 📉🎅 Someone leaked footage of him falling asleep during the annual Toy Inspection Gala. Twitter (or “Twinkle,” as we call it here) is calling it *“Snoregate.”* 🎥 The Viral Clip The video’s already hit 2 million views. He’s mid-snore, cocoa dribble and all, while Mrs. Claus politely smiles beside him like she’s reconsidering every life choice. 🧝 Damage Control The PR elves are in meltdown mode. They released a statement saying,...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 31 — Elf New Year’s Resolutions (That Won’t Last) It’s that magical time again — when elves make promises they’ll forget by mid-January. 📝✨ The annual Resolution Board just went up in the breakroom, and it’s already a masterclass in delusion and denial. 🏋️ “I’ll Stop Eating So Many Cookies” Said by the same elf who has frosting under both thumbs *right now.* The cookie jar in the lounge audibly laughed. 💻 “No More Gossip During Work Hours” We tried this one last year....

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 30 — Reindeer GPS Malfunction Breaking news: the reindeer’s GPS went haywire during a test flight. 🦌📍 They were supposed to do a short loop over the Arctic Circle. Instead, they ended up in Iceland, crashed a wedding, and ate the floral arrangements. 🛰️ Navigation Nightmare Blitzen swears he followed the “Turn Left at the Aurora Borealis” prompt. Dasher claims the stars “looked different.” Either way, they were 800 miles off course. 💍 Wedding Wreckage Witnesses say Rudolph took selfies with the bride while...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 29 — The Great Toy Label Mix-Up Panic hit the packaging department today when the toy labels went… well, *everywhere.* 🎁😬 Apparently someone—*cough* Pep—uploaded the wrong spreadsheet. Now half the dolls are labeled “Power Drill” and three pogo sticks are headed to toddlers. Pray for those parents. 📦 The Chaos Unfolds Elves were running in circles with barcode scanners like they were in a holiday-themed episode of *CSI: North Pole.* I heard one yell, “Someone’s getting a chainsaw for Christmas!” and I haven’t stopped...