The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — santa

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 28 — Mrs. Claus vs. The North Pole Bake-Off Tensions reached a rolling boil at this year’s Bake-Off. 🍪🔥 Mrs. Claus entered “for fun.” Three minutes later she was side-eyeing every competitor like she was on *The Great British Shade-Off.* 🥧 The Pie Controversy Pep’s “experimental fruitcake pie” exploded in the oven. He blamed “bad vibes.” Mrs. Claus said, “Or maybe bad math.” The crowd gasped. Points were deducted for emotional damage. 🍪 Sugar Cookie Sabotage Jingles swapped the vanilla extract for peppermint oil....

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 27 — Elf Influencers Strike Again The Elf Influencer Department has officially gone rogue. 📸💅 Instead of wrapping toys, they’ve been livestreaming “Aesthetic Gift Wrapping Hacks” for followers. Productivity is down 40%. Engagement? Sadly, up 300%. 📱 Jingles the Content King Jingles gained 50k followers overnight for posting “What I Eat in a Workshop Day.” Spoiler: it’s 90% cookies, 10% chaos, and a concerning amount of cocoa. 💄 Vixen’s Sponsored Post Vixen dropped a makeup collab called *Glow Like Rudolph*. It sold out in...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 25 — Candy Cane Shortage Scandal It finally happened. The North Pole is officially out of candy canes. 🍭😱 The workshop has descended into chaos. morale is low, cocoa is unsweetened, and every elf is blaming everyone else. 🍬 Peppermint Politics Pep swears Logistics lost an entire shipment. Logistics says Pep “miscounted.” I say they’re both lying, and someone’s building a personal stash behind the wrapping station. 🧁 Black Market Mint Reports are circulating of elves trading candy canes for marshmallows and extra break...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 24 — The Glitter Explosion Breaking news: The entire east wing of the workshop now sparkles indefinitely. ✨ Someone *may* have dropped an industrial-sized container of glitter during ornament assembly. I won’t name names, but her name rhymes with “Sparkles.” 💨 The Blast Radius Half the production line looks like a disco ball threw up. The ventilation system spread glitter into the sleigh hangar. Even Rudolph’s nose is reflecting light like a glittery beacon of regret. 🧽 Cleanup Crew in Tears The janitorial elves...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 23 — Gingerbread Mutiny This morning, the Gingerbread Department officially revolted. 🍪 They’re refusing to be eaten until “better workplace conditions” are met. Demands include thicker icing, less humidity, and longer bake breaks. I wish I were making this up. 🔥 The Crumb Uprising Hundreds of gingerbread men staged a sit-in on the cooling racks. Someone piped “No Frosting, No Peace!” on the wall in red icing. Honestly, it’s art. 🍫 The Chocolate Chip Alliance The chocolate chips joined in “solid-dough-arity.” Production halted completely....