The Petty Elf Daily
North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch
🕵️♀️ Day 43 — Elf Secret Society Exposed
Something shady’s brewing in the breakroom — and it’s not just the cocoa. ☕👀
Last night, a janitorial elf reported seeing hooded figures (in sparkly cloaks, obviously) sneaking into the wrapping department after hours. Their password? “No peeking.” I’ve seen less drama in spy movies.
🎁 The Silent Sleigh Society
That’s what they call themselves. Members allegedly include Pep, Sparkles, and at least one member of the Reindeer Grooming Team. Their mission? “Restoring order through aesthetic balance.” Translation: judging your gift wrap folds.
📜 The Manifesto
Someone found a crumpled scroll labeled *“Operation Sleigh Watch.”* It lists demands like “gold ribbon only,” “no Comic Sans on tags,” and “mandatory glitter uniform compliance.” HR says it’s “elitist.” I say it’s iconic.
🎅 Santa Responds
Santa claims he’s “not concerned,” which is exactly what people say before the Netflix documentary drops. Mrs. Claus, however, issued a statement: *“If they want power, they can run for Elf Council like everyone else.”*
As for me, I’ve already sent in my membership application. Not because I believe in their mission — but because I want the tea straight from the source. ☕✨
Stay shady,
– The Petty Elf 🧝♀️