The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — santa

✨ The portal opens… and the bachelor party lands in the most chaotic, rule-breaking realm in the North Pole multiverse: The Land of Petty Misfit Toys. Hope they packed emotional support candy canes.

🤵♂️ Fifteen days until the wedding, and the groom’s side has officially embarrassed itself. The groomsmen attempted “training camp” today — and by the end, one reindeer resigned and two elves sprained their feelings.

🥂 Sixteen days until the wedding, and last night’s bachelorette sleigh ride turned into a Search & Rescue Operation. Glitter everywhere. One missing shoe. Three reindeer refusing to comment.

🦌 Seventeen days until the wedding, and the reindeer chosen to be ring-bearers are already in counseling. Turns out asking a flight crew to walk in a straight line is harder than anyone thought.

👗 Eighteen days until the wedding, and the North Pole fashion scene is in crisis. Sparkles said “winter chic,” and the elves heard “fight to the death in sequins.