🤵‍♂️ Day 66 — Groomsmen Training Camp (A Total Lost Cause)

Fifteen days until the wedding, and the groom’s side has entered what experts call “pre-wedding panic mode.” Translation: they’re a mess. 💅💀

This morning, the groomsmen hosted what they boldly titled “Training Camp.” It lasted 11 minutes and resulted in three arguments, a broken boutonniere, and someone Googling “how to groom.”

💀 The Groom: Frostbite Finn

Yes, we finally learned his name — Frostbite Finn. He’s tall, quiet, handsome, and allegedly allergic to weddings. When asked how he felt about the big day, he said, “I just hope I don’t faint or combust.” Confidence level: concerning.

🎄 The Groomsmen (Meet the Chaos Squad)

Spruce: The snitch I recruited. Loose lips, looser morals. Shortstack: Pocket-sized menace with anger issues. Frostbite Jr.: Finn’s little cousin. Too eager. Too clumsy. Glitterbeard: Hasn’t stopped shedding glitter since 2017.

Together they have the combined coordination of a melting snowman on roller skates.

📝 Training Camp Results

✔ Attempt #1: Practice walking down the aisle Result: They formed a conga line by accident.
✔ Attempt #2: Practice tying ties Result: One tie survived. No explanation.
✔ Attempt #3: Practice holding the ring box Result: Box was lost. Spruce blamed the wind. Indoors.

🕵️ The Petty Elf’s Take

Spruce whispered that the boys are “planning their bachelor party escape.” When I asked where, he winked and said, “Where all broken toys go to break more things.” Oh, we're DEFINITELY headed toward the Land of Petty Misfit Toys.

Fifteen days left, and if this is the groom’s prep, the wedding may legally require a disclaimer. Stay tuned — tomorrow we follow the chaos trail straight to the bachelor party plans. 🤵‍♂️✨

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Stay shady,
– The Petty Elf 🧝‍♀️