The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — santa

Today the Misfit Realm starts to glitch. The portal flickers, the toys act strange, and the magical fabric holding everything together begins to crack. The bachelor squad thinks it’s “kinda cool.” It is not cool.

Today the bachelor squad meets the ruler of the Misfit Realm — a regal, slightly broken plush lion named King Scrufferton III. He’s dramatic, unstable, and assigns them a “noble quest” involving his missing stuffing.

Today Sparkles visits Orna the Ornament Oracle for answers… and receives nothing but dramatic gasps, vague visions, and psychic chaos. Naturally, she interprets ALL of it in the worst possible way.

Today, the Misfit Toys put the bachelor squad through a series of “trials” to earn information… and dignity. Tasks include arm-wrestling an angry teddy bear, navigating the Goblin Sock Puppet Maze, and resisting peer pressure from shot-glass elves. They fail. Repeatedly.

Sparkles has officially run out of patience. Today she launches a “highly organized” search party for the missing groom and his bachelor squad… which mostly involves crying, yelling, and scaring volunteers. Santa, wisely, pretends to be very, very busy.