The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 14 — Mistletoe Misconduct Holiday party decor got out of hand when someone hung mistletoe in *every doorway.* Now the workshop feels less like Santa’s HQ and more like a rom-com gone wrong. HR is already drafting a 47-slide presentation. 💋 The Awkward Encounters Two interns bumped into each other under the mistletoe and just… stared. For five minutes. Production slowed, gossip soared, and cocoa sales spiked immediately after. 👀 Serial Offenders Jingles keeps “accidentally” positioning himself under the same sprig. Subtle as a...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 13 — Elf Secret Santa Scandal Secret Santa was supposed to be “fun and wholesome.” Naturally, it turned into chaos and accusations. Because nothing screams holiday cheer like passive-aggressive gift giving and a $5 spending limit no one respects. 🎁 💸 The Overspend Offender Sparkles gave a gold-plated cocoa mug. The limit was five bucks, not fifty. Now everyone else looks cheap and Sparkles looks like she’s running for Elf of the Year. 🎁 The Re-Gifter Pep unwrapped a candle labeled “To: Jingles, From:...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 12 — Holiday Party Survival Guide (From Someone Who’s Over It) If you’re headed to a holiday party and your spirit is 80% cocoa, 20% tolerance—this one’s for you. I’ve survived more North Pole office parties than Santa has belts. Here’s how to glide in, look festive, and avoid elf small talk like a pro. 🧊 🧣 Dress Code: Cozy But Petty Wear something warm enough to outlast the “one quick toast” that turns into a four-hour speech, but spicy enough to remind everyone...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 11 — Elf Fashion Police Breaking: Elf Fashion Police handed out citations today for “crimes against festivity.” Apparently, if your tights don’t match your hat, you’re “bringing down morale.” Honestly? Some of these elves dress like rejected candy canes, but I’m not the one writing tickets. 👠 Clash of the Stripes Pep showed up in vertical stripes, Sparkles wore horizontal, and suddenly it was Elf vs. Elf on the workshop runway. Someone yelled “Project Sleighway!” and now we’ve got a whole competition going. 🧤...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 10 — Reindeer Union Walkout And you thought *elf drama* was bad. Try nine reindeer staging a walkout on delivery week. 🦌 They marched right out of the stables carrying protest signs made of gingerbread. The slogan? “Hay Raises, Not Candy Canes.” Iconic, honestly. 📢 The Demands More hay breaks, upgraded antler polish, and hazard pay for foggy nights. Rudolph added “no more red-nose jokes.” Which… fair. 🎅 Santa’s Counteroffer Santa offered extra carrots and “exposure.” Dasher asked, “exposure to what—frostbite?” and the sleigh...