The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 4 — Mrs. Claus’ Peppermint Boycott Breaking: the queen of the kitchen said “no more candy-cane everything.” Apparently a person can only smell peppermint for 300 consecutive years before she snaps. Honestly? I support women’s rights and women’s wrongs. 💅 🍬 Peppermint Burnout Sugar cookies? Peppermint. Cocoa? Peppermint. Air freshener? Peppermint. The elves arrived to find a “flavor pause” sign on the pantry door and a bowl of plain marshmallows labeled “learn to cope.” 🧁 The Vanilla Uprising Pastry team switched to vanilla bean...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 3 — Naughty List Drama You think Santa’s Naughty List is all about “bad kids”? Please. Half this list is elves who talk too loud, double-dip in the cocoa, or “accidentally” skip toy QC. I would never name names… publicly. 😇 📜 Naughty—but Not What You Think Timber made the list for stealing Wi-Fi from the reindeer barn. Do you know how hard it is to run a toy factory when Dasher is streaming holiday karaoke on 4K? The sleigh buffer wheel keeps spinning....

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch Listen… you’d think a high-functioning holiday empire like Santa’s would have priorities in order. Spoiler alert: they don’t. 🙄 🔥 The Great Glue Gun Shortage Production line elves are panicking because we’re down to two working glue guns. TWO. Imagine 87 elves trying to share — it’s like a Black Friday sale gone wrong. Every other toy coming down the line looks like it was held together with spit and hope. ☕ The Cocoa Cult Meanwhile, half the workshop insists the real crisis is the cocoa...