The Petty Elf Daily
North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch
🎄 Day 31 — Elf New Year’s Resolutions (That Won’t Last)
It’s that magical time again — when elves make promises they’ll forget by mid-January. 📝✨
The annual Resolution Board just went up in the breakroom, and it’s already a masterclass in delusion and denial.
🏋️ “I’ll Stop Eating So Many Cookies”
Said by the same elf who has frosting under both thumbs *right now.* The cookie jar in the lounge audibly laughed.
💻 “No More Gossip During Work Hours”
We tried this one last year. The experiment lasted 47 minutes. Turns out, “Elf Efficiency Meetings” are just gossip with a PowerPoint.
💅 “I’ll Be Nicer to Management”
Lies. Bold, candy-coated lies. Pep already sent an anonymous memo calling Santa “The Jolly Micromanager.”
As for me? My resolution is to be *less petty.* ...But then who would write this blog? You’re welcome, North Pole.
Stay shady,
– The Petty Elf 🧝♀️