The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 19 — The Great Cocoa Heist Last night, the entire cocoa stash vanished. GONE. 🎅☕ The workshop is treating it like a national emergency. Forget toys—no cocoa, no Christmas spirit. Period. 🕵️ Suspect #1: The Marshmallow Mafia They’ve been shady since Easter. Conveniently, they were “on break” when the cocoa disappeared. I’m not saying it was them, but… it was them. 🎁 Suspect #2: Logistics Elves Claimed the cocoa was “rerouted.” Translation: someone hid it in the supply closet behind the fruitcake nobody touches....

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 18 — Reindeer Reality Show Breaking: the reindeer signed a deal for their own reality show. 📺🦌 It’s called *Keeping Up with the Caribou* and let me tell you, the drama is juicier than Mrs. Claus’s fruitcake. 🎥 Dasher the Diva Refused to film unless the camera crew installed soft lighting in the stable. Demanded antler contouring. He calls it “branding.” I call it exhausting. 💅 Vixen’s Confessionals Already trademarked three catchphrases and started selling “Sleigh All Day” merch. Respect the hustle, but please...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 17 — Sleigh Maintenance Mayhem Update: Santa’s sleigh is officially grounded. ✈️❌ Turns out, when you ignore maintenance for 364 days, things break. The elves popped the hood (do sleighs have hoods?) and found three candy canes, half a fruitcake, and Rudolph’s Spotify playlist jammed in the gears. 🔧 Elf Mechanics on Strike The sleigh repair crew refuses to work until they get hazard pay for “glitter inhalation.” Can’t blame them—one cough and you sparkle for life. 🎶 Rudolph’s Mixtape Discovery of Rudolph’s “Holiday...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 16 — The Ornament Overload Breaking: the annual tree decorating spiraled into a full-blown glitter war. 🎄✨ The problem? Every elf insisted their ornament be “front and center.” The tree collapsed under the weight of 400 baubles and one ego too many. 💎 The Sparkle Shortage Glitter rations disappeared in 15 minutes. Pep accused Sparkles of hoarding sequins “for personal projects.” Sparkles denied it while standing knee-deep in rhinestones. 🪞 Mirror Ball Madness Jingles tried to hang a disco ball the size of Rudolph’s...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 15 — Cocoa Machine Meltdown This morning the cocoa machine gave up on life. Steam, sparks, and one traumatized marshmallow later—total shutdown. ☕🔥 You’d think it was the apocalypse the way elves reacted. Productivity dipped 70% because apparently no one can build toys without hot chocolate in hand. ⚡ The Malfunction Reports say someone tried to “hack” the settings for extra whip mode. Now it only dispenses lukewarm cocoa with a side of mechanical whine. Relatable. 👀 Black Market Brews Desperate elves started selling...