The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — ugly sweaters

🧭 Thirteen days until the wedding, and the groom’s entire squad has disappeared. No note. No explanation. Just a suspicious trail of glitter and a receipt for peppermint schnapps.

👀 Fourteen days until the wedding, and Sparkles has entered detective mode. The groomsmen are acting weird, the groom keeps “running errands,” and something about peppermint schnapps whispers betrayal.

🤵♂️ Fifteen days until the wedding, and the groom’s side has officially embarrassed itself. The groomsmen attempted “training camp” today — and by the end, one reindeer resigned and two elves sprained their feelings.

🥂 Sixteen days until the wedding, and last night’s bachelorette sleigh ride turned into a Search & Rescue Operation. Glitter everywhere. One missing shoe. Three reindeer refusing to comment.

🦌 Seventeen days until the wedding, and the reindeer chosen to be ring-bearers are already in counseling. Turns out asking a flight crew to walk in a straight line is harder than anyone thought.