The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — ugly sweaters

🍫 Chaos hit the North Pole when the cocoa machine sputtered its last drop. Elves are in mourning, HR declared a “hot beverage emergency,” and Santa’s been spotted sipping tea. TEA. Civilization is collapsing.

🧵 The runway’s cold, the glitter’s settled, and the elves are still talking about it. HR says they’re “processing,” but everyone else is screenshotting group-chat receipts. Welcome to post-fashion-show fallout season.

🧣 What was supposed to be a “wholesome holiday showcase” turned into a full-blown runway meltdown. Feathers flew, sequins scattered, and one elf walked out in tears because someone called her sweater “emotionally cluttered.

☃️ Frosty lawyered up — again. Apparently, the elves used his likeness for “limited edition slush mugs” without his consent. He’s suing for emotional distress and the return of his hat. Honestly? I’d sue too.

🎁 What started as a wholesome office tradition turned into a North Pole HR nightmare. Someone “accidentally” gifted Santa a stress ball that says ‘Do Less, Delegate More.’ Let’s just say… investigations are underway.