The Petty Elf Daily
North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch
💆♀️ Day 49 — Mrs. Claus Declares a Spa Emergency
Mrs. Claus has spoken — and her message is crystal clear: everyone’s getting a facial or getting fired. 💅🎄
She called an emergency meeting this morning wearing a silk robe and cucumber eye patches, announcing “self-care is now policy.” The elves thought she was joking. She was not.
🧖 The New Mandatory Wellness Schedule
Mondays are for peppermint scrubs, Tuesdays for cocoa soaks, and Wednesdays are officially *“No Whining Wednesdays.”* HR tried to file a complaint, but Mrs. Claus said, “Exactly.” Iconic.
🍵 The Rebellion
Pep refused a mud mask, claiming “I have sensitive pores.” Five minutes later, he was in a robe humming to whale sounds. Even the reindeer are wearing towels. Morale: rejuvenated. Productivity: irrelevant.
🎅 Santa’s “Supportive” Statement
Santa told the press he “fully supports this initiative,” though witnesses say he whispered, “She’s making me exfoliate.” Somewhere between the sea salt soak and beard conditioner, he found enlightenment. Or fear.
The workshop smells like lavender and quiet compliance. If peace on earth starts with a spa day, Mrs. Claus might just save Christmas *and* our pores. 💆♀️✨
Stay shady,
– The Petty Elf 🧝♀️