The Petty Elf Daily
North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch
📦 Day 53 — The Supply Chain Meltdown
You ever watch a sleigh derail in slow motion? That’s our supply chain right now. 🎁🔥
Someone forgot to renew the “Nice List” export license, half the toy components are stranded at the Polar Port, and the elves are improvising with whatever’s lying around. Hope you like dolls made of tinsel and panic.
🚢 The Polar Port Problem
Blitzen’s Logistics Team swears the shipment of wrapping paper is “on its way.” That was two weeks ago. The tracking number now just says: *“Pray.”* Customs is holding 12 crates of glitter for “excessive shimmer.” I say release it. We need hope — and sparkle.
🧰 The Great Resource Substitution
We ran out of screws, so the Toy Assembly line is using gumdrops “for structure.” One intern suggested frosting glue. Pep said, “We’ve done worse.” He’s not wrong, and that’s terrifying.
🎅 Santa’s Damage Control
Santa went on North Pole News claiming “everything is on schedule.” Meanwhile, he’s privately emailing Amazon support like a man possessed. Mrs. Claus told him, “You can’t Prime your way out of this one.” He’s trying anyway.
The elves are working double shifts, the shelves are empty, and the workshop’s new motto is: *“If it fits in a box, it’s a gift.”* 🎁💀
Stay shady,
– The Petty Elf 🧝♀️