The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — Santa Claus

☕ Pep and Sparkles’ first date was supposed to be sweet — instead, it ended with smoke, screaming, and a full-scale cocoa evacuation. The moral of the story? Never mix open flames with whipped cream and emotional baggage.

💋 The North Pole dating app is back online — and it’s worse than ever. Between cocoa-spill breakups, sleigh-ride ghosting, and one elf who accidentally dated a nutcracker again, it’s safe to say love is not in the forecast.

💘 The North Pole just launched its first official dating app — “Mistletoe & Mayhem.” Within an hour, HR panicked, Santa threatened to delete the internet, and one elf matched with a toy that shouldn’t even be sentient.

📦 The Workshop is out of wrapping paper, half the toy parts are stuck in customs, and no one knows who approved the reindeer-shaped pallets. Santa says it’s “just a small delay.” The elves call it a full-blown Christmas crisis.

💆♀️ After weeks of North Pole drama, Mrs. Claus has officially hit her limit. She’s declared a “Spa Emergency” — ordering mandatory facials, peppermint steam therapy, and a full-day moratorium on elf nonsense. Honestly? Leadership goals.