The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — Petty ELF
🎄 Day 31 – Elf New Year’s Resolutions (That Won’t Last)
Posted by Ruben Escalona on
The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 31 — Elf New Year’s Resolutions (That Won’t Last) It’s that magical time again — when elves make promises they’ll forget by mid-January. 📝✨ The annual Resolution Board just went up in the breakroom, and it’s already a masterclass in delusion and denial. 🏋️ “I’ll Stop Eating So Many Cookies” Said by the same elf who has frosting under both thumbs *right now.* The cookie jar in the lounge audibly laughed. 💻 “No More Gossip During Work Hours” We tried this one last year....
🎄 Day 30 – Reindeer GPS Malfunction
Posted by Ruben Escalona on
The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 30 — Reindeer GPS Malfunction Breaking news: the reindeer’s GPS went haywire during a test flight. 🦌📍 They were supposed to do a short loop over the Arctic Circle. Instead, they ended up in Iceland, crashed a wedding, and ate the floral arrangements. 🛰️ Navigation Nightmare Blitzen swears he followed the “Turn Left at the Aurora Borealis” prompt. Dasher claims the stars “looked different.” Either way, they were 800 miles off course. 💍 Wedding Wreckage Witnesses say Rudolph took selfies with the bride while...
🎄 Day 29 – The Great Toy Label Mix-Up
Posted by Ruben Escalona on
The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 29 — The Great Toy Label Mix-Up Panic hit the packaging department today when the toy labels went… well, *everywhere.* 🎁😬 Apparently someone—*cough* Pep—uploaded the wrong spreadsheet. Now half the dolls are labeled “Power Drill” and three pogo sticks are headed to toddlers. Pray for those parents. 📦 The Chaos Unfolds Elves were running in circles with barcode scanners like they were in a holiday-themed episode of *CSI: North Pole.* I heard one yell, “Someone’s getting a chainsaw for Christmas!” and I haven’t stopped...
🎄 Day 28 – Mrs. Claus vs. The North Pole Bake-Off
Posted by Ruben Escalona on
The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 28 — Mrs. Claus vs. The North Pole Bake-Off Tensions reached a rolling boil at this year’s Bake-Off. 🍪🔥 Mrs. Claus entered “for fun.” Three minutes later she was side-eyeing every competitor like she was on *The Great British Shade-Off.* 🥧 The Pie Controversy Pep’s “experimental fruitcake pie” exploded in the oven. He blamed “bad vibes.” Mrs. Claus said, “Or maybe bad math.” The crowd gasped. Points were deducted for emotional damage. 🍪 Sugar Cookie Sabotage Jingles swapped the vanilla extract for peppermint oil....
🎄 Day 27 – Elf Influencers Strike Again
Posted by Ruben Escalona on
The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 27 — Elf Influencers Strike Again The Elf Influencer Department has officially gone rogue. 📸💅 Instead of wrapping toys, they’ve been livestreaming “Aesthetic Gift Wrapping Hacks” for followers. Productivity is down 40%. Engagement? Sadly, up 300%. 📱 Jingles the Content King Jingles gained 50k followers overnight for posting “What I Eat in a Workshop Day.” Spoiler: it’s 90% cookies, 10% chaos, and a concerning amount of cocoa. 💄 Vixen’s Sponsored Post Vixen dropped a makeup collab called *Glow Like Rudolph*. It sold out in...