The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — Christmas Humor

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 24 — The Glitter Explosion Breaking news: The entire east wing of the workshop now sparkles indefinitely. ✨ Someone *may* have dropped an industrial-sized container of glitter during ornament assembly. I won’t name names, but her name rhymes with “Sparkles.” 💨 The Blast Radius Half the production line looks like a disco ball threw up. The ventilation system spread glitter into the sleigh hangar. Even Rudolph’s nose is reflecting light like a glittery beacon of regret. 🧽 Cleanup Crew in Tears The janitorial elves...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 23 — Gingerbread Mutiny This morning, the Gingerbread Department officially revolted. 🍪 They’re refusing to be eaten until “better workplace conditions” are met. Demands include thicker icing, less humidity, and longer bake breaks. I wish I were making this up. 🔥 The Crumb Uprising Hundreds of gingerbread men staged a sit-in on the cooling racks. Someone piped “No Frosting, No Peace!” on the wall in red icing. Honestly, it’s art. 🍫 The Chocolate Chip Alliance The chocolate chips joined in “solid-dough-arity.” Production halted completely....

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 22 — The Great Sleigh Parking Debacle The sleigh lot was absolute chaos this morning. ❄️🚦 Every reindeer thinks they deserve a VIP spot, and let’s just say parallel sleigh parking is not their strong suit. 🦌 Rudolph’s Reserved Spot Rudolph insists on parking closest to the barn “for nose visibility.” Vixen blocked him in out of spite. The honking (do sleighs honk?) lasted an hour. ❄️ Frostbite Tickets Elf Security started writing tickets for “blocking snowplow access.” Dasher tried to argue, but the...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 21 — The Wrapping Paper War Forget reindeer drama—today’s meltdown was all about wrapping paper. 🎁 Apparently “snowflake pattern” elves think they’re superior to “classic red and green” elves. Meanwhile, plaid is staging a hostile takeover. 📦 The Glitter Faction Sparkles insists glitter wrapping is “the only true festive option.” Logistics disagrees, citing vacuum cleanup hours. Glitter rations have officially been restricted to prevent riots. 🎨 DIY Disaster Pep tried to paint his own wrapping paper. Results look like a toddler’s finger painting. HR...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 20 — Elf Karaoke Catastrophe What was supposed to be a “fun bonding event” turned into the North Pole’s version of American Idol… but worse. 🎤 Elves + a microphone + unlimited cocoa = chaos. My ears may never recover. 🎶 The Show Stealer Buddy wouldn’t give up the mic after his sixth rendition of *All I Want for Christmas Is You.* Mariah, if you’re reading this—send help. 🙉 Technical Difficulties The sound system shorted out during Jingles’ “Let It Go” performance. He claims...