The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — black friday

Today the Misfit Realm starts to glitch. The portal flickers, the toys act strange, and the magical fabric holding everything together begins to crack. The bachelor squad thinks it’s “kinda cool.” It is not cool.

Today Sparkles sits down to write her wedding vows… and immediately spirals. What begins as a sweet, emotional promise quickly mutates into threats, petty commentary, and a third version she absolutely should NOT read aloud—but fully intends to.

Today the Petty Elf reopens the portal to check on the missing bachelor squad… and instantly regrets it. The boys aren’t struggling — they’re thriving. Glitterbeard is basically a local celebrity, Finn has formed a questionable alliance, and the Misfit Realm might be changing them.

Today, the Misfit Toys put the bachelor squad through a series of “trials” to earn information… and dignity. Tasks include arm-wrestling an angry teddy bear, navigating the Goblin Sock Puppet Maze, and resisting peer pressure from shot-glass elves. They fail. Repeatedly.

🧭 Thirteen days until the wedding, and the groom’s entire squad has disappeared. No note. No explanation. Just a suspicious trail of glitter and a receipt for peppermint schnapps.