The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — ugly sweater party

🦌 It was supposed to be a romantic moonlit sleigh ride. Instead, one elf jumped mid-flight, another cried into a thermos of cocoa, and now “ghosting” has a whole new meaning at the North Pole.

☕ Pep and Sparkles’ first date was supposed to be sweet — instead, it ended with smoke, screaming, and a full-scale cocoa evacuation. The moral of the story? Never mix open flames with whipped cream and emotional baggage.

💋 The North Pole dating app is back online — and it’s worse than ever. Between cocoa-spill breakups, sleigh-ride ghosting, and one elf who accidentally dated a nutcracker again, it’s safe to say love is not in the forecast.

💘 The North Pole just launched its first official dating app — “Mistletoe & Mayhem.” Within an hour, HR panicked, Santa threatened to delete the internet, and one elf matched with a toy that shouldn’t even be sentient.

📦 The Workshop is out of wrapping paper, half the toy parts are stuck in customs, and no one knows who approved the reindeer-shaped pallets. Santa says it’s “just a small delay.” The elves call it a full-blown Christmas crisis.