The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — Elf on the Shelf

☕ Pep and Sparkles’ first date was supposed to be sweet — instead, it ended with smoke, screaming, and a full-scale cocoa evacuation. The moral of the story? Never mix open flames with whipped cream and emotional baggage.

💘 The North Pole just launched its first official dating app — “Mistletoe & Mayhem.” Within an hour, HR panicked, Santa threatened to delete the internet, and one elf matched with a toy that shouldn’t even be sentient.

📦 The Workshop is out of wrapping paper, half the toy parts are stuck in customs, and no one knows who approved the reindeer-shaped pallets. Santa says it’s “just a small delay.” The elves call it a full-blown Christmas crisis.

💆♀️ After weeks of North Pole drama, Mrs. Claus has officially hit her limit. She’s declared a “Spa Emergency” — ordering mandatory facials, peppermint steam therapy, and a full-day moratorium on elf nonsense. Honestly? Leadership goals.

💤 The elves have officially turned exhaustion into a sport. With deadlines closing in, they’ve launched the first-ever Sleep Deprivation Olympics. Categories include “Most Consecutive Hours Awake,” “Fastest Nap,” and “Best Emotional Breakdown