The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — christmas

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 19 — The Great Cocoa Heist Last night, the entire cocoa stash vanished. GONE. 🎅☕ The workshop is treating it like a national emergency. Forget toys—no cocoa, no Christmas spirit. Period. 🕵️ Suspect #1: The Marshmallow Mafia They’ve been shady since Easter. Conveniently, they were “on break” when the cocoa disappeared. I’m not saying it was them, but… it was them. 🎁 Suspect #2: Logistics Elves Claimed the cocoa was “rerouted.” Translation: someone hid it in the supply closet behind the fruitcake nobody touches....

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 12 — Holiday Party Survival Guide (From Someone Who’s Over It) If you’re headed to a holiday party and your spirit is 80% cocoa, 20% tolerance—this one’s for you. I’ve survived more North Pole office parties than Santa has belts. Here’s how to glide in, look festive, and avoid elf small talk like a pro. 🧊 🧣 Dress Code: Cozy But Petty Wear something warm enough to outlast the “one quick toast” that turns into a four-hour speech, but spicy enough to remind everyone...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 11 — Elf Fashion Police Breaking: Elf Fashion Police handed out citations today for “crimes against festivity.” Apparently, if your tights don’t match your hat, you’re “bringing down morale.” Honestly? Some of these elves dress like rejected candy canes, but I’m not the one writing tickets. 👠 Clash of the Stripes Pep showed up in vertical stripes, Sparkles wore horizontal, and suddenly it was Elf vs. Elf on the workshop runway. Someone yelled “Project Sleighway!” and now we’ve got a whole competition going. 🧤...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 10 — Reindeer Union Walkout And you thought *elf drama* was bad. Try nine reindeer staging a walkout on delivery week. 🦌 They marched right out of the stables carrying protest signs made of gingerbread. The slogan? “Hay Raises, Not Candy Canes.” Iconic, honestly. 📢 The Demands More hay breaks, upgraded antler polish, and hazard pay for foggy nights. Rudolph added “no more red-nose jokes.” Which… fair. 🎅 Santa’s Counteroffer Santa offered extra carrots and “exposure.” Dasher asked, “exposure to what—frostbite?” and the sleigh...

The Petty Elf Daily North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch 🎄 Day 9 — Toy QC Meltdown: The One-Eyed Teddy Crisis Alert: half the teddy bears rolling off the line are winking. Not cute—accidental. 👁️🐻 Apparently someone swapped the eye bin with “decorative buttons” and now we’ve got a colony of pirates ready for preschool. Adorable? Yes. Acceptable? HR says no. 🧵 Stitch Witchery (Gone Wrong) QC says the seam team was “multitasking” during cocoa break. Translation: gossiping about Buddy and Sparkles while sewing eyeballs like they’re confetti. Results: 47 winks, 12 cross-eyed kings, 1 bear...