The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — Christmas Humor

Today is Inventory Day at the North Pole — the least glamorous, most necessary part of Christmas magic. Sparkles runs the numbers, Finn keeps things calm, the bachelor squad gets assigned “very simple tasks,” and the Petty Elf supervises with a pen, a clipboard, and a petty amount of satisfaction.

Today, everything changes. The bachelor chaos finally settles, Sparkles gets her moment, Finn survives his own decisions, and Santa quietly works a miracle. The wedding becomes the event that turns the entire disaster into pure holiday chemistry.

Today the bachelor squad finally makes it back to the North Pole—if “makes it back” includes crashing through a wreath rack, shedding glitter everywhere, and traumatizing three elves. The portal spits them out one last time, and Sparkles reacts exactly how you think she would.

Today the bachelor squad finally tries to leave the Misfit Realm—but the realm has other plans. The portal spits them out repeatedly like expired candy, the toys offer zero help, and Glitterbeard refuses to take the hint.

Today the Misfit Realm starts to glitch. The portal flickers, the toys act strange, and the magical fabric holding everything together begins to crack. The bachelor squad thinks it’s “kinda cool.” It is not cool.