Behind The X's & O's of Business — behind the x's and o's

It's easy to look at someone's decision and decide what kind of person they are. It's harder to ask what happened before that decision was made. The more conversations I have—and the more stories I pay attention to—the more I realize that understanding people often begins when we become curious about the story behind the choice.

Constituents believe in what you're building. Comrades are committed to the mission. But Confidantes are different. They're not primarily invested in your projects, your position, or what you can accomplish. They're invested in you. If there were nothing left to build, they would still be sitting across the table. They are rare, and learning to recognize and treasure them may be one of the healthiest things we can do.

Some of the strongest relationships we experience are built in the trenches. Comrades work beside us, sacrifice beside us, and fight for the same cause. But understanding what holds that relationship together matters. Comrades are committed to the mission—and when the mission changes, sometimes the relationship does too.

About ten years ago, I heard Bishop T.D. Jakes preach a sermon about what he called the 3 C's: Constituents, Comrades, and Confidantes. I've never forgotten it. The longer I've lived, the more I've realized how much that simple framework has helped me understand the different relationships God brings into our lives—and why every one of them has value.

Healthy people learn to recognize many different voices throughout life. Some encourage us. Some challenge us. Some simply make us think. Every person deserves respect, but wisdom teaches us that not every voice should carry the same influence. Learning the difference has been one of the most important lessons in my own journey.