The 3 C's: Every Relationship Has a Different Commitment
About ten years ago, I heard Bishop T.D. Jakes preach a sermon about what he called the 3 C's.
Constituents.
Comrades.
Confidantes.
I've never forgotten it.
As we've spent the last couple of weeks talking about personalities, strengths, blind spots, and the voices surrounding us...
I realized those conversations have been leading us back to this framework.
But I think there is an important distinction we need to understand from the beginning.
The 3 C's aren't simply three levels of friendship.
They represent three different kinds of commitment.
Constituents believe in what you're building.
Comrades believe in the mission you're pursuing.
Confidantes believe in you.
All three relationships matter.
But they aren't committed to the same thing.
Today, I want to focus on the first C.
Constituents.
Constituents are the people who support what you're building.
They may buy your product.
Attend your event.
Watch your show.
Read your blog.
Share your work.
Recommend you to someone else.
Their support helps the vision take shape.
The best comparison I can think of is scaffolding around a building.
Scaffolding provides support while the work is being done.
It gives people access to places they couldn't reach on their own.
It helps the structure rise.
But once the building is complete...
The scaffolding has fulfilled its purpose.
Removing it doesn't mean it was unimportant.
It means it faithfully served the role it was designed to serve.
I think we get hurt when we misunderstand that.
We assume that because someone supported what we were building, they were committed to us personally.
Sometimes they are.
Often, they aren't.
They may believe deeply in the project without being called to carry our personal burdens.
They may celebrate the vision without becoming part of our private lives.
That isn't betrayal.
That isn't rejection.
That is a constituent faithfully serving as a constituent.
One thing I've noticed...
We create unnecessary disappointment when we expect people to become something they never promised to be.
Constituents are not failed comrades.
They are not incomplete confidantes.
They are people whose support helps us build.
And that support deserves gratitude.
When I think about Behind the X's & O's...
I think about everyone who reads these posts.
Everyone who watches our conversations.
Everyone who shares an episode.
Everyone who encourages us to continue.
Many of those people may never know me personally.
But their support still matters.
Without constituents, many worthwhile things would never get built.
Healthy relationships begin when we stop asking every person to carry the same responsibility.
We can appreciate support without demanding intimacy.
We can honor someone's contribution without expecting them to stay forever.
We can thank God for the scaffolding...
Even when the building eventually stands without it.
Tomorrow we'll talk about Comrades.
The people who don't merely support what you're building.
They join you because they believe in the mission.
And when the mission changes...
The relationship may change with it.
— Ruben Escalona
Red Alpha Custom Prints
What Healthy Actually Looks Like
Healthy people don't diminish Constituents because they aren't Comrades or Confidantes. They recognize that support has value, even when it is connected more closely to the work than to the person doing it.
Constituents believe in what you build. Comrades build it with you. Confidantes would still be there if there were nothing left to build.