The 3 C's: Confidantes Are Committed to You
We've spent the last few days talking about the 3 C's.
Constituents.
Comrades.
Confidantes.
About ten years ago, I heard Bishop T.D. Jakes preach about these three different kinds of relationships.
I've never forgotten the framework.
And the longer I've lived...
The more sense it has made.
Constituents believe in what you're building.
Comrades are committed to the mission.
But today we get to the third C.
Confidantes.
Confidantes are different.
They're not primarily committed to your business.
They're not primarily committed to your project.
They're not primarily committed to the mission you're pursuing.
They're committed to you.
If the business closed tomorrow...
They'd still answer the phone.
If the title disappeared...
They'd still know who you are.
If the mission changed...
They'd still sit across the table from you.
That's because the relationship was never built around what you could accomplish together.
It was built around something deeper.
Trust.
History.
Honesty.
Love.
Shared life.
One thing I've noticed...
Confidantes aren't usually impressed by the things everyone else is impressed by.
They've seen behind the curtain.
They know what the wins cost you.
They know the doubts you didn't post.
They know the mistakes you don't advertise.
They know when you're tired before you admit you're tired.
And because they know you...
They can celebrate you without being blinded by you.
That's important.
Because a real Confidante doesn't just applaud.
Sometimes they ask the question nobody else will ask.
Sometimes they tell you you're wrong.
Sometimes they tell you to slow down.
Sometimes they remind you who you were before everyone started paying attention.
They care more about your character than your comfort.
That's rare.
And I think one of the mistakes we make is expecting everyone to become that person.
Not everyone is supposed to carry our deepest burdens.
Not everyone needs access to our most private struggles.
Not everyone is responsible for helping us make the hardest decisions of our lives.
That's not because those people don't matter.
It's because Confidantes carry a different responsibility.
And that responsibility is built over time.
Through consistency.
Through honesty.
Through shared experiences.
Through showing up when there was nothing to gain.
I've also realized something else.
Sometimes we're so disappointed that Constituents didn't become Confidantes...
Or that Comrades didn't stay forever...
That we overlook the Confidantes who were already standing beside us.
That's a mistake.
Because those relationships deserve to be protected.
They deserve gratitude.
They deserve time.
They deserve the same loyalty they've shown us.
As I finish this series, this is the line I keep coming back to.
Constituents believe in what you build.
Comrades build it with you because they believe in the mission.
Confidantes would still be there if there were nothing left to build.
Every one of those relationships has value.
Every one of them has purpose.
But wisdom is understanding the difference.
So maybe today is a good day to ask yourself...
Who believes in what I'm building?
Who shares the mission?
And who would still choose me if all of it disappeared tomorrow?
Those are the relationships worth recognizing, honoring, and stewarding well.
— Ruben Escalona
Red Alpha Custom Prints
What Healthy Actually Looks Like
Healthy people don't expect every relationship to carry the same responsibility. They appreciate Constituents, honor Comrades, and treasure Confidantes.
Confidantes are rare because they're not connected to the thing you're building. They're connected to the person behind it. If everything else disappeared, the relationship would remain.
Maybe the healthiest thing we can do is stop asking everyone to become a Confidante and start being grateful for the few people who already are.