The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — Elf on the Shelf

The day after the wedding, the North Pole tries to act normal again. Sparkles and Finn are in newlywed glow, the bachelor squad is walking around like emotionally bruised reindeer, and Santa shows up with a clipboard and a very gentle but firm, “Alright, team. Back to work.”

Today the bachelor squad finally makes it back to the North Pole—if “makes it back” includes crashing through a wreath rack, shedding glitter everywhere, and traumatizing three elves. The portal spits them out one last time, and Sparkles reacts exactly how you think she would.

Today Sparkles sits down to write her wedding vows… and immediately spirals. What begins as a sweet, emotional promise quickly mutates into threats, petty commentary, and a third version she absolutely should NOT read aloud—but fully intends to.

Today the bachelor squad meets the ruler of the Misfit Realm — a regal, slightly broken plush lion named King Scrufferton III. He’s dramatic, unstable, and assigns them a “noble quest” involving his missing stuffing.

Today Sparkles visits Orna the Ornament Oracle for answers… and receives nothing but dramatic gasps, vague visions, and psychic chaos. Naturally, she interprets ALL of it in the worst possible way.