The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha
🦌 Day 64 – Reindeer Ring Bearer Training Gone Wrong
Posted by Ruben Escalona on
🦌 Seventeen days until the wedding, and the reindeer chosen to be ring-bearers are already in counseling. Turns out asking a flight crew to walk in a straight line is harder than anyone thought.
👗 Day 63 – The Dress Code Debacle
Posted by Ruben Escalona on
👗 Eighteen days until the wedding, and the North Pole fashion scene is in crisis. Sparkles said “winter chic,” and the elves heard “fight to the death in sequins.
💅 Day 62 – Elf Bridesmaid Auditions (and Breakdowns)
Posted by Ruben Escalona on
💅 There are 19 days until the North Pole wedding, and the bridesmaid situation has gone full disaster. Tears, tinsel, and tactical glitter warfare — all before lunch.
🧸 Day 61 – The Wedding Sweater Try-On Meltdown
Posted by Ruben Escalona on
🧸 Venue opened up → wedding moved to 19 days. Bridesmaid draft: I’m in. Sweater try-on day: 17 itchy crimes. Band: The Mistletoe Misfits (they set tambourines on fire). Send bail money.
💍 Day 60 — The Algorithm Proposed
Posted by Ruben Escalona on
💍 EXCERPT (for Shopify preview):
The girl who unmatched him 47 times on Mistletoe & Mayhem just re-matched every chat and said YES.
Ring pic + “Church. Saturday. 2pm.” crashed the servers.
Nutcracker DJing, Gingerbread Ex protesting, Petty Elf live-tweeting the chaos.
North Pole’s pettiest wedding drops THIS SATURDAY.