The Petty Elf Daily | North Pole Gossip Blog by Red Alpha — Petty ELF

Today the Petty Elf reopens the portal to check on the missing bachelor squad… and instantly regrets it. The boys aren’t struggling — they’re thriving. Glitterbeard is basically a local celebrity, Finn has formed a questionable alliance, and the Misfit Realm might be changing them.

Today, the Misfit Toys put the bachelor squad through a series of “trials” to earn information… and dignity. Tasks include arm-wrestling an angry teddy bear, navigating the Goblin Sock Puppet Maze, and resisting peer pressure from shot-glass elves. They fail. Repeatedly.

The bachelor squad spends their first night in the Land of Petty Misfit Toys… and it immediately goes off the rails. Glitterbeard befriends a deranged Jack-in-the-Box, and Frostbite Jr. almost joins a cult with questionable snack policies.

🧭 Thirteen days until the wedding, and the groom’s entire squad has disappeared. No note. No explanation. Just a suspicious trail of glitter and a receipt for peppermint schnapps.

👀 Fourteen days until the wedding, and Sparkles has entered detective mode. The groomsmen are acting weird, the groom keeps “running errands,” and something about peppermint schnapps whispers betrayal.