The Petty Elf Daily
Well, well, well… welcome to my world.
You thought Santa’s workshop was some magical, jolly place full of singing elves and twinkling lights? Please. 🙄
Here’s what really went down today:
🎁 The Toy Assembly Line Meltdown
Turns out, when you put Jingles in charge of toy quality control, half the teddy bears end up with one eye, and don’t even get me started on the doll arms. It’s like a horror show in aisle three. Guess who got stuck sorting the rejects? Yep. Me.
🦌 Reindeer Drama (Again)
Rudolph showed up late again. His excuse? “Blizzard traffic.” Please. We all know he was binge-watching Hallmark movies with Vixen. Don’t ask me how I know — I’ve got sources.
🍪 The Cookie Conspiracy
Oh, and let me tell you — Santa? He’s not eating Mrs. Claus’s cookies anymore. He’s been sneaking down to Starbucks for peppermint lattes and gingerbread loaf. The big guy is basic. Don’t let the red suit fool you.
So yeah, that’s Day 1. While the rest of these elves pretend to spread “holiday cheer,” I’m just here keeping it real. Someone’s gotta spill the cocoa.