The Petty Elf Daily

North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch

Listen… you’d think a high-functioning holiday empire like Santa’s would have priorities in order. Spoiler alert: they don’t. 🙄

🔥 The Great Glue Gun Shortage

Production line elves are panicking because we’re down to two working glue guns. TWO. Imagine 87 elves trying to share — it’s like a Black Friday sale gone wrong. Every other toy coming down the line looks like it was held together with spit and hope.

☕ The Cocoa Cult

Meanwhile, half the workshop insists the real crisis is the cocoa machine. “We can’t build joy without hot chocolate!” they say. Oh please. I’ve seen elves cry harder over marshmallow shortages than broken toys.

🎅 Santa’s “Neutral” Stance

And where’s Santa in all this? Pretending to stay out of it. But I saw the receipts — he ordered extra cocoa mix on Amazon. (Yeah, Prime ships to the North Pole now. Don’t ask.)

So here we are. Broken toys, sticky fingers, and a cocoa line that stretches longer than Black Friday at Target. But sure, let’s pretend we’re “spreading holiday cheer.”