The Petty Elf Daily

North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch

🎄 Day 6 — Candy Cane Shortage

Breaking: the candy cane supply chain is on thin ice. Literally.

Between peppermint latte season and elves who “need one to think,” we’re down to emergency rations. I suggested we chew quietly. They suggested I mind my business. Festive!

🚚 Supply Sleigh Delayed

Today’s shipment is “stuck in a flurry.” Translation: Dasher took the scenic route again. Meanwhile, the stocking line is shaping bows around imaginary canes for “visualization.” Sure, Jan.

🕵️ Black-Market Peppermints

Someone started trading fun-size canes behind the cocoa machine. Going rate: two marshmallows and a secret. I bought three just to keep the economy moving.

🦌 Reindeer Are Hoarding

Found a stash in the sleigh garage labeled “for morale.” Whose morale, Vixen? Logistics has proposed “striped alternatives.” If they hand me a red-and-green celery stick, I’m calling the union.

Until further notice, swirl patterns are decorative only. If you hear crunching, it’s probably me. For research.

Stay shady,
– The Petty Elf 🧝♀️