The Petty Elf Daily

North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch

🧸 Day 59 — ToyWithTrustIssues Speaks

The profile is REAL. The bio is UNHINGED. 💀

Last night “ToyWithTrustIssues” went live on *Mistletoe & Mayhem* with the username we all feared. Screenshot evidence below (yes, HR is having a meltdown).

📸 The Bio That Broke the North Pole

Prompt: “Describe yourself in 3 words”
His answer: “Seasonally. Emotionally. Unavailable.”

Interests: Standing perfectly still, collecting dust, silent treatment.
Looking for: Someone to sand me down.

🪚 The First DM Slide

Our girl (yes, the same one) already sent: “I can fix him.”
He replied — 14 hours later — with a single wooden emoji: 🪵
That’s it. That’s the entire message.

🎄 Land of Petty Misfits Unlocked

Rumor has it every ex who ghosted, every situationship who “needed space,” and every toy soldier with commitment issues just got verified.
Welcome to the support group nobody asked for.

He may not have a heart, but he sure has a type. If this ends with her buying power tools for Christmas, we tried to warn her. 🧸🪚

Stay shady,
– The Petty Elf 🧝♀️