The Petty Elf Daily
North Pole’s #1 Source for Petty News • Daily Dispatch
🎄 Day 33 — The Candy Corn Conspiracy (Fall Flashback Files)
Breaking from my usual Christmas coverage for a *flashback exposé.* 🍂👀
If the truth ever comes out, the chaos of candy season didn’t start in December — it started way back in October, a few weeks ago when the elves discovered *Candy Corn.* And everything went downhill from there.
🍬 The Great Divide
Half the workshop said candy corn was “iconic.” The other half said it was “sugar-flavored wax.” HR had to separate teams after someone threw a handful into the cocoa machine.
🧠 The Mind Control Theory
Conspiracy elves claim candy corn is made by the same company that runs the Naughty List database. “Coincidence?” they whisper between sugar crashes. “Or control?”
🎅 Santa’s Denial
Santa swore he’s “never even seen” candy corn. Then Mrs. Claus found a secret stash in his office drawer. PR called it a “seasonal slip-up.” I call it hypocrisy with stripes.
Anyway, the fallout still lingers. We can’t even mention candy corn without someone twitching. Moral of the story: trust no candy that comes in triangles.
Stay shady,
– The Petty Elf 🧝♀️