When Someone's Strength Becomes Too Much
I've been thinking about something...
Some strengths are harder to lead than others.
That's probably not a groundbreaking statement.
But what we do about it matters.
Because if we're not careful, we can start building our teams around the people who are easiest for us to lead instead of the people whose strengths we actually need.
Think about it.
Most leaders would probably say they want confident people around them.
Until that confident person disagrees with them.
We want independent thinkers.
Until they don't do something exactly the way we would have done it.
We want passionate people.
Until their passion becomes uncomfortable.
We want people who pay attention to details.
Until they're the person asking why we're moving forward when everyone else is ready to go.
We want people willing to tell us the truth.
Until we're the person they need to tell it to.
That's where this gets interesting.
Because maybe the question isn't simply...
"When does someone's strength become too much?"
Maybe there's another question sitting right beside it.
"What does their strength require from me?"
That's a leadership question.
And I think it's one worth exploring.
Because every strength carries responsibility.
The confident person has to learn that confidence doesn't make them right.
The passionate person has to learn that passion doesn't give them permission to run over people.
The detail-oriented person has to learn that eventually a decision has to be made.
The independent person has to learn that asking for help isn't weakness.
The person willing to challenge ideas has to learn how to challenge without tearing people down.
That's their responsibility.
But what about mine?
That's the part I don't think leaders talk about enough.
Maybe leading confident people requires me to become more secure.
Maybe leading independent people requires me to stop controlling every detail.
Maybe leading passionate people requires me to learn how to direct energy instead of shutting it down.
Maybe leading someone who challenges my thinking requires me to separate disagreement from disrespect.
Maybe leading someone who sees problems before everyone else requires me to resist calling them negative simply because I don't like what they're pointing out.
Their strength may need maturity.
But their strength may require maturity from me too.
That's different.
It's much easier to label someone difficult.
It's much easier to say...
"They're just hard to work with."
And sometimes that's true.
A strength isn't an excuse for bad behavior.
Being confident doesn't excuse arrogance.
Being direct doesn't excuse cruelty.
Being passionate doesn't excuse disrespect.
Being independent doesn't excuse refusing accountability.
We're still responsible for how we use what we've been given.
But I also don't want to make another mistake.
I don't want to confuse a strength that's difficult for me to lead with a strength that doesn't belong on the team.
Those aren't the same thing.
There may be a reason that person is in the room.
Maybe they see something I don't.
Maybe they'll question something everybody else accepts.
Maybe they'll push when everyone else is comfortable.
Maybe they'll slow us down long enough to keep us from making a mistake.
Maybe they'll say the sentence nobody else has the courage to say.
That's not always comfortable.
But leadership isn't supposed to be an exercise in surrounding ourselves with people who make us comfortable.
In fact...
If I only surround myself with people whose strengths are easy for me to lead, I may eventually build a team that makes me comfortable instead of a team that makes us better.
I've seen what happens when leaders don't understand this.
Eventually everyone learns what the leader wants to hear.
Nobody challenges the idea.
Nobody questions the decision.
Nobody points out the blind spot.
Meetings become easier.
Decisions become faster.
Everybody gets along.
And the leader starts believing they've built an incredible team.
Maybe.
Or maybe they've built an echo chamber.
There's a difference.
The best teams I've seen aren't made up of people who think exactly alike.
They're made up of people whose strengths solve different problems.
And sometimes...
Those strengths collide.
That's where leadership matters.
The goal isn't to remove every source of friction.
Sometimes friction is telling us something.
Sometimes the person creating tension needs greater self-awareness.
Sometimes I need greater self-awareness.
And sometimes both things are true at the same time.
That's the conversation I want to explore over the next several days.
We're going to look at individual strengths that can be challenging to lead.
The Challenger.
The Driver.
The Visionary.
The Protector.
The Perfectionist.
The Connector.
The Independent.
Not as official personality types.
Not as another system for putting people into boxes.
Just recognizable strengths that show up in the people around us.
For each one, I want to ask a few questions.
Why do we need this strength?
What happens when this strength becomes too much?
What does that person need to recognize about themselves?
And maybe most importantly...
What do I need to become better at if I'm going to lead them well?
Because there's something else I'm beginning to wonder.
What if the personality I keep avoiding isn't only exposing something about them?
What if they're exposing something about me?
My insecurity.
My impatience.
My need for control.
My inability to handle disagreement.
My preference for people who think like I do.
That's uncomfortable.
But maybe that's the opportunity.
The people we lead aren't the only people who are supposed to be growing.
We're supposed to be growing too.
So over the next several conversations, we're not going to ask how to get difficult personalities out of the room.
We're going to ask a better question:
How do we become the kind of leaders who can bring out the best in strengths that aren't always easy to lead?
Because a strength might create challenges.
It might create friction.
It might occasionally drive you crazy.
But there's still a reason...
We call it a strength.
— Ruben Escalona
Red Alpha Custom Prints
What Healthy Actually Looks Like
Healthy leaders don't build teams exclusively around people who are easy for them to lead.
They recognize when someone's strength needs maturity—and they're also willing to recognize when their own leadership needs maturity.
They don't excuse destructive behavior in the name of talent.
But they don't eliminate valuable strengths simply because those strengths make leadership harder.
Sometimes the person who challenges you most needs to grow.
And sometimes leading them well is going to require you to grow too.